How to slap your Son's
by Lil Kitsune-chan
Summary: A humorous list on your favorite Son's. Making fun is the new black!
1. Chase

I've decided I wanted to make fun of the Son's cause well... it's just fun!

**_Warnings_**: _Implied slash._ Please don't flame me, you've been warned.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Covenant but that doesn't mean I can't have my fun .

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_Chase _

1) Call him Peter Parker.

2) Tell him he's the less hot version of Pogue.

3) Tell him to stop ripping Spider Man off, he needs to earn a living too.

4) Dye his hair canary yellow without his notice...

5) When he asks you about his hair reply with "I don't see a difference"

6) Force him to read my fics (the C/C ones), especially the sex scenes...

7) Tell him it'll never happen cause it's called _fanfiction_.

8) Call him a fattie and start poking his "fat" repeatedly.

9) Yell at the top of your lungs "physco loving moment" every time he looks at Caleb.

10) Point out the reason's why Pogue and Caleb make such a hot couple.

11) Tell him to go find a closet (if you know what I mean)

12) Buy a spider man suit and make him wear it...

13) Ask him if his "spidery senses" are tingling now that he's in costume.

14) Tell him you found out a way to stop the aging...

15)When he demands to know, show him a pamphlet on "Cosmetic Surgery and You"

16) Put the "If you were gay" song as his ring tone...

17) Call him every 5 seconds, 2 if he's with Caleb.

18) Remind him that Caleb made him his bitch at Putnam farm...

19) And that he liked it.

20) Tell him Caleb is gay...

21) With Reid

22) While your at it remind him that Kate also made him his bitch...

23) And that he cried while he was being "Man Raped"

24) If none of these are a slap to the face than just throw him to the growing pile of Mary-Sue's...

25) When he comes back to kill you just shake your finger at him and say "That's a big no no!"

26) Don't hesitate to point out that Tyler is still available...

27) Or the fact that Tyler's hotter than all the Son's combined... including him.

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So how was it? Please leave a review on what you guys think! I picked Chase first cause he was the easiest to pock fun of!


	2. Caleb

I hope this list is as or more funny than the last one .

Warnings: Implied slash, minor language, and plain silliness.

Disclaimer: Don't own the Covenant or the actor's or anything related to it. I do however own the Covenant Sound Track (the CD only of course).

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_Caleb_

1)Call him the Chose One

2)Ask him if he'll like some _gay_ with his coffee.

3)Tell him you know what's really going on between him and the other Son's.

4)Point out the fact that he's such a Mama's Boy_..._

5)or the fact that he's such a Martha Stewart kind of guy.

6)Make him wear a hot pink apron...

7)and tell him to make those blueberry muffins cause Chase wants them.

8)For fun sick Leather Face on Sarah's ass...

9)laugh when he starts crying cause Blondie's dead and send one of the boys...

10)Video tape any slashy going ons and laugh evilly while your at it.

11)Lock him up in a closet...

12)with Kira!

13)when he demands to let him out tell him you _accidentally_ lost the key and try not to laugh when he cries in agony...

14)if he tries to kill you pipe back with "You were already in a closet, you just needed the extra company cause you were scared of the bogeyman"

15)Remind him that he's Gorman's bitch...

16)and that he happens to be the bottom.

17)Mock him for having only one facial expression throughout the movie.

18)Tell him that Sarah broke up with him...

19)for Kate.

20)Demand him to tell you about his feelings about Tyler...

21)When he gets mad reply with "Oh so Brokeback Mountain didn't mean anything"

22)Put the _Emo Song_ as his theme song.

23)Get him hammered and take him to a tattoo parlor...

24)make him get a tattoo on his ass with the words: _property of hardcore slashers_...

25)don't be afraid to smack his ass the next day!

26)Tell him you know about the baby he had with Chase...

27)slap him for not using a condom.

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Tell me what you guy's think of this chap. Pogue is up next so please don't hesitate to leave a suggestion if desired.


	3. Pogue

Hey there my beautiful readers, I hope you enjoy this new development in HTSYS!

Credits for Kos-Mos607 for coming up with #4&16

Warnings: Implied slash and minor language. Not for reader's under 13!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant but that won't stop me from poking run on our fav boys!

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Pogue...

1. Call him Princess Peach

2. Pull his hair...

3. If he gets angry reply with "I thought it was a wig, sugar lips!"

4. Then tell him to get used to it because Caleb looks like a hair puller!

5. Steal his motorcycle when he's not looking...

6. And take it for a joy ride...

7. Don't hesitate scratching the paint while you're at it...

8. Run away when he sees you with it (and hope you don't die!).

9. Trick Chase into making out with Caleb (that won't too be hard!).

10. Try not to groan or roll your eyes when he admits his undying love for Caleb

11. Convince him he'll look pretty in pink.

12. Force him to wear Princess Peach dress...

13. And ask him if he feels "pretty"

14. Grope/fondle/touch him when ever he's in sight (You know you want to touch those abs!)...

15. If he gets uncomfortable than pipe back with " What? You weren't complaining last night when Tyler was making you his bitch!" (ROFL!!!!!)

16. Then smack him for cheating on Caleb

17. Make him wear a pair of eye glasses.

18. Tell him he needs them because he's blind...

19. When he tries to protest reply with "Oh and I'm sure you've noticed Reid's very single ass?!"

20. Call him a diva when he starts bitching randomly about something

21. Put life size posters and blow out dolls of Caleb all over his room...

22. Tell him to be _creative_ with them.

23. Have Kate give him a full and very detailed description of her day

24. Insist that he plays seven minutes in heaven...

25. Tell him Caleb is going to be his partner...

26. Laugh hysterically when he finds out that he had made out with Chase

27. Have him wear a pair of tiny Speedos....

28. Tell him he'll make great money in the strip joint...

29. Call Gorman cause his bitches are getting out of line

30. Shave him bald when he's asleep_._

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Please R&R

Reid's up next!


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